CHOICES

 Still looking for one word for 2014? Consider the word 'CHOICES'. Stuck in a personal rut or unhealthy relationship cycle? We all have CHOICES about how we think about our situation, what we do about it, and how we respond to those around us. As humans we are wired to pay attention to the negative. Think about what would happen to our ancestors if they weren't hyper-sensitive to any potential threats (negatives). They'd be wiped out by a saber tooth tiger or other unforseen threat! However, if they passed up a watering hole or fruit tree (both positives), chances are they would pass another at some point, so it wasn't as critical to notice the positive around them. Paying attention to the negative was critical while noticing the positive wasn't beneficial when the name of the game was survival. This is where the work comes in for those of us whose lives aren't in daily jeopardy, and who desire to live happily. YOU HAVE A CHOICE AS TO WHAT YOU PAY ATTENTION TO.  If you are new to this process, in the beginning stages paying attention to the positive takes commitment and perseverance. It's not natural. Your brain isn't wired to pay attention to the positive. With time and practice, paying attention to the positive can become second-nature, and when it does, how you view yourself and the world around will shift, and your life will become the life you envision it to be.

Happy New Year,

Lisa

Emotional Flooding 101

We've all been there! Anger. Increased heart rate. Increased blood pressure. The secretion of adrenaline. Any kind of 'threat' (beit hunger or an emotional violation) creates the same physiological response as if someone were threatening you physically.  The logical, thoughtful part of your brain, the pre-frontal cortex, shuts down and the amygdala kicks in. The amygdala doesn't care what you think. There's no time for that! Its role is to get you the heck outta the situation (fight, flight, or freeze)! YOU CAN'T THINK CLEARLY OR HEAR WHAT YOUR PARTNER IS SAYING.

The solution: TAKE A 20-30 minute break. Don't ruminate about whatever the issue was during this break. Practice SELF-SOOTHING.  Agree to resume your talk later.

~Lisa

TED Talk: What FEAR can teach us, by Karen Thompson Walker

That's right, FEAR doesn't have to be always be negative. I tell my clients to look at all emotions (the good, bad, and the ugly) as their EMOTIONAL GPS. Each emotion is a guide as to what we want more of or what we should steer clear of. However, our emotions can mislead us. Sometimes we respond automatically based on past experiences which is often not helpful in the current situation. We can learn a lot about ourselves when we SIT WITH OUR FEAR.

Is it time for YOU to get curious about the story you are telling yourself and learn to read this story in a more helpful, productive, and less emotionally-reactive way? Marriage and Family Therapists can help you explore your sense of FEAR, understand what layers are not useful, and translate your story into preparation and action.

Intentionally yours,

Lisa

5 Ways Towards a New Way of BE~ing for 2013:

5 Ways Towards a New Way of BE~ing for 2013:

1. ENVISION what you would like to be "doing different". Write down the specifics. The more details you add, the more tangible it becomes. As a suggestion, come up with a word and use this word as a template for all areas of your life.
2. DO IT.  Jump on in. Don’t think too much about it. Consider it an experiment in living... it can be tweaked along the way, and if you find yourself reverting to old patterns, direct yourself back to the NEW PATTERN you are establishing, and understand that although it might seem unfamiliar for a bit, with enough practice this new pattern will become your new normal.
3. COLLABORATE. Get others involved… tell them what you are envisioning, and let them know ahead of time how they can support you.
4. THINK OPTIMISTICALLY. And, if you find yourself with a discouraging thought, cut yourself some slack… acknowledge that it is just that… a thought. You are not your thoughts, and you have the ability to change them.
5. Take an ordinary, everyday situation, SLOW DOWN AND STOP each day and OBSERVE without judgment. BE PRESENT. CONNECT…. With the moment, with your peoples, and thus connect with the true you.

Intentionally Yours in 2013,

~Lisa

Don't let your thoughts define you. Instead, get curious about where they came from.

Why is it that with friends our compassion and empathy flows, but when it comes to ourselves, we are quick to critically judge? Those parts of you that are overly critcally, sad, or uncertain... don't judge. Get curious. If you look deep enough, they'll let you in on all kinds of secrets, and get you closer to the true you.

Intentionally yours,

Lisa

Introverts are all the buzz these days...

I always thought introverts were the quiet, shy ones who sat in the corner and preferred a book to a juicy conversation with a group of friends, but I've recently heard that introversion versus extroversion is more determined from where a person derives their personal energy.... solitude (introverts) or by talking with and being around others (extroverts). As a teen and young adult, I would have easily placed myself in the extrovert category, but when I consider the above mentioned thought, I'd say I'm more of an introvert... maybe even an 'ambivert'?? Sure I enjoy hanging with my fam and my home girls, but when it comes to re-energizing, I NEED my alone time... quiet reflective moments to process and integrate what's going on in my life. Is it possible to change over time or do you believe this is an inherent personality characteristic?  Take this quiz to help determine where you fit on the spectrum, and then consider how your type affects your relationships with others. Is your partner the same type as you or different?? Your children?? Understanding where you're each coming from can help immensely. And (surprise, surprise), marriage and family therapists can help you determine how being different or the same from those close to you can affect your interactions as well as offer tools for how to apply this knowledge to better your relationships!

Intentionally yours,

~Lisa

Life Lesson from Abby: On BE~ing Present.

Abby's favorite picture she took on our hike.                                  April 15, 2012

This past weekend Tom, the girls, and I took a beautiful hike up to Mt. Si near North Bend. (Carson was siezing his day at the dirt bike jumps...). My sweet Abby had been attempting to take pictures with the camera she received for Christmas from the time we stepped foot on the trail. "On the way down," I told her. "I'll stop with you on the way down." It appeared just like the rest of our life, even our 'down time' together was fast-paced... not that this itself is a bad thing.

As promised, on the way down I stopped with Abby as she felt the need to snap some pictures and take in what was truly a breathtaking view of nature on a spectular day. About half way down, Tom and the other two girls were out of our sight.

When were about three-quarters through this 4.5 mile trek, Abby said to me these following words:

"Mom, I don't see why we have to hurry through this hike. It's not like we come here everyday. It's about the adventure and not just rushing through."

I asked her to repeat herself three times to let it sink in for both of us. This is why I love this child so much. At almost 13 years-old, she understands about being present and in the moment. None of us are ever "here everyday." Even if our lives seem routine and mundane, everyday and every moment is a unique gift... we just have to be aware of our thoughts to make space to recognize these offerings (in this case, the gorgeous scenery and having uninterrupted time together).

As Abby said, "It's about the adventure and not just rushing through." For me it's times when I'm in the state of mind my wise Abby speaks of that I am the most joyful, content, and at peace with all the other 'stuff' that can easily cloud my personal experience.

Thanks for the reminder Abby. ;)

What or who reminds you about being present?

Intentionally,

Lisa